The Struggle

This is a poem that I wrote about three years ago, but I wanted to share it with you:

Lord;

I try so hard to live in full surrender
But all these broken pieces make it so difficult
This tug of war struggling inside of me
I give you most, you want it all.
And as I open up you show me more that I am holding back
The pain as selfish pieces of me die.
The death of pride, the birth of grace.
The constant struggle. I feel undone, then Whole, undone again
And praying that somehow I satisfy this unending struggle that somehow I will die and rise a new man better than I was before. Hoping that I shine: the salt, the grace, the light.

Not of me but of you
Not of me but of you
Not of me but of you

The pain as what I want disappears and what you have for me takes it’s place. Change me. I want to be where you are. I’ll face the pain. I will not let bitterness have its way in my heart! No matter how hard, I will follow. No matter how long it takes, I will follow. Look kindly on your servant. Bless me with endurance, grace, and a willing heart.  Help the faith that I am struggling to have right now that my someday will find me: that this life is made of more than pain, and loneliness because I know that you are good. I know that you want what is best for me.

Not of me but of you
Not of me but of you
Not of me but of you

Amen

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